Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix Sort of
by Binks Drake
Summary: (The Unauthorized Versian) Rating for suicide attemt. Harry goes to year 5. (Again[I wonder how manhy fics their are with this title])
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this book! I'm not making any money yadda, yadda, yadda.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

(The Unauthorized Completely Pretend and Made up Version)

Chapter 1

****

Arabella Figg

Every night was the same to the Dursleys. The only exciting thing that they ever did was have a party for Dudley and occasionally give Harry a breakfast when they were in a particularly good mood, which wasn't very often.

Harry lay awake in the middle of the night, thinking of how boring and horrible his life would be if he hadn't received that letter 5 years ago. He attended Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. Now the Dursleys completely ignored him, and Harry liked it away from them, as did they like it away from Harry.

"Happy Birthday," He said to himself. Light flashed onto his face from the storm outside. No one was ever there to comfort him, his friends wanted to be there but Vernon would not allow it. They hadn't spoken to each other since Ron had come to pick up Harry to see a Quiddich game.

Quiddich was an amazing game played on broomsticks. There were four balls; a Quaffle, two Bludgers, and a snitch. The Golden Snitch was Harry's favorite ball. He had to catch it on the team. The Team consisted of Katie Bell, Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinnit, Fred and George Weasly, and Harry Potter. "Wood," He muttered out loud. Wood had been the captain of the team, and the Keeper but now he was out of Hogwarts. Who would be captain? Who would be Keeper? This hadn't occurred to him until now. Just a month left 'til he goes back to Hogwarts. He was safe there. He thought about his scary end to the year before, Voldemort was gaining power, and fast.

"Figg, Arabella Figg?" He sat up in bed. He was thinking about Dumbledore and what he had said about a woman named Arabella Figg. Could it be the same Mrs. Fig as the woman next door? He had thought about it a lot, but never very deeply.

He sat for hours pondering and pondering until the clock read 2 o'clock. He swung his legs over his bed and got up. "Ow!" He exclaimed as he pulled out a sharp item out of his drawer.

Harry skipped the one step that squeaked, as he walked down the dark stairs. The storm had gone and the night was filled with the chirping of many crickets. This was the only time Harry could make breakfast. He poured a bowl of cereal and took a pint of milk from the Refrigerator. He snuck out side to get the newspaper and find out what was happening in the Muggle World.

When he stepped out to find that it was still raining. The rain drizzled down his nightclothes as he picked up the paper. When he looked up _he_ was there. Peter Petigrew was staring at him 2 houses down. Peter smiled. Lightning struck and Harry was temporarily blinded. When he regained his sight it was Mrs. Figg, standing was standing there, where Peter had been. Harry dismissed it as a Hallucination and started to walk inside. He stopped himself.

Harry ran down two driveways to get to Mrs. Figs Cabbage-smelling house. "Are you," He panted for a moment. "Arabella Figg?" He finished.

She looked at him. "Come inside dear, you don't want to catch a pneumonia." She ushered him into the house of Cabbage.

"Who told you, how did you find out?" She asked.

"So you are, you're the woman Dumbledore was talking about!" Harry exclaimed.

"Ahh, Dumbledore told you." She paced around the living room. "I'm old Harry." She told him. "I'm . . . dying."

Harry blinked. "What?"

"I can't protect this area anymore." She told him. "I've talked to the ministry, and they have agreed to let you temporarily live in Hogwarts."

"Wait, back up. What?" Harry asked.

"The Ministry wants you to live in Hogwarts, you will be protected there. You will be able to play Quiddich, you can practice magic, and you can even visit Hagrid. But they don't want you living here!" Harry couldn't register the sudden change. Mrs. Figg walked out of the room and came back with a jar. " I know that Dumbledore gave you the invisibility cloak from your father. Now I have to give you this." The "jar" seemed like an ancient urn of some kind. "Your mother wanted me to give it to you. I figured now was a good time."

"Thank you," Harry said. He opened up the top of the urn and looked inside. He recognized the powder inside. "That's Floo Powder!" Harry said.

"It is, and its first use will be to get you to Hogwarts." She hurried him out the door. And slammed it behind him. He covered the Floo powder. He ran back to the house and dismissed it all as a hallucination.

He dreamed of Hogwarts until the morning lights . . .


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Going to Hogwarts

Harry woke up much later than usual. He was in the same bed and the same room. None of it had been real. None of the strange happenings from the night before really happened. He was simply hallucinating, at least that's what he thought.

The morning started as usual. Harry awoke from the wonderful smell of eggs and bacon that he couldn't have. The Dursleys were on their normal schedule he heard uncle Vernon slam the door on his way to work. He remembered it was poker Thursday for Aunt Petunia when the door slammed a second time. And remembered also that Dudley had a date tonight with some girl from school, and was going shopping with one of his friends for flowers chocolates and the like. The door slammed a third time and they were all gone, all but Harry. He stumbled out of bed and suddenly tripped! He flew through the air and landed on his face. He looked to see what he had tripped on. Floo Power.

So it hadn't been a dream.

* * *

He packed up all his things, because he knew that Dumbledore would be expecting him soon. He took a pinch of the salt-like substance and tossed it into the fire. The Fire turned a violent purple color and raged a giant roar. Harry **_pushed_** in the luggage and said "Hogwarts!" Then it was time for him. He left a note on the Dursleys table that said, "See you next June!" He pinched more Floo Powder into the fire and Screamed "Hogwarts!" once again.

He was falling past hundreds of fires! Purple, like his fire. His luggage landed below him with a violent thump! He kept falling past the roaring fires. Until he too landed in a dark fireplace, filled with soot. "Cough, Cough" Harry Was inhaling the soot and coughing it up to keep it out of his lungs.

"Welcome Harry" The Boy who lived looked up to see a man with a long white beard. He knew him immediately. Professor Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The man in the purple robe walked up to Harry and helped him up. "I see you met Arabella."

"Yes," Harry coughed. "Last night. She gave me the Floo Powder."

"Ah," Dumbledore muttered.

"I have a question sir," Harry managed though his coughing fit. "The Daily Profit stopped sending to me, do you know why?"

"Yes Harry, it was I who proposed the cut off." Harry looked at him. "I thought Voldemort may have a spy there and would be able to find you.

"HARRY!"

"What?" Harry turned to see the familiar face of his friend Moony. Professor Lupin.

"I neglected to mention a few surprises around the school." Dumbledore laughed. Lupin ran up to him and hugged him firmly.

"I've missed you so much Harry!" Lupin exclaimed.

"Albus?!" Harry heard another voice from behind him. He turned around and didn't recognize the woman that walked out of the huge door.

"Miss Leonessa?" Dumbledore asked.

"I was making out my lesson plan for first day and . . ." She looked at Harry. "Well I don't believe we've met," She took Harry's hand and shook it hard. "I'm Lysandra Leonessa. I'm your potions teacher!" She announced.

"Potions?" Harry asked. "What happened to Professor Snape?"

"Nothing, we simply felt the need to hire an extra potions teacher Harry," Dumbledore answered. Miss Leonessa looked shocked for a moment. She shrugged whatever it was off and left with Lupin. "I believe you know the way to Gryffindor tower." Dumbledore walked out of the hall, and left Harry standing there.

Harry walked through the winding tunnels of Hogwarts School. Everything was very strange. He was used to the building as being filled with other students and the noise of spells and laughter in the halls, but there was nothing. He found the picture of a fat lady and realized he hadn't gotten the password. "Pig snout?" He asked the portrait.

The lady shook her head. "How about Alohamora?" She shook her head but the portrait flew open anyway since it had unlocked. He climbed through the door behind it.

He stepped into the Gryffindor common room and looked around. His luggage was laid out on the floor. "Dobby?" He called. The familiar looking house-elf walked into the light of the room.

"Yes sir?"

"Can you bring my luggage up to my room? Please?" Harry asked.

"Yes Sir, oh wait, Dobby has a surprise for Mr. Potter." He ran into the shadows and walked back out with a big black dog.

"SNUFFLES!" Harry ran up to the creature and hugged him with all his might. The dog transformed back into his human form of Sirius Black.

"Oh Harry, I missed you!" He hugged Harry back and stood up to look around. "I have wonderful news. Dumbledore said you could keep me in your dorm as a pet!"

"What?" Harry asked.

"Long story. I also have a gift for you." The man pulled out a piece of parchment from his robes. "This is a potion I want you to make and drink."

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"I can't tell you, Fudges orders." Sirius replied. "Just make it. Miss Leonessa is allowing you to use the potions lab. It's our secret by the way." He turned back into a dog and ran up the stairs. From the balcony he yelled down "by the way, the password in Snuffles!"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Animagus' Twin

The potion would take the entire month left until school to complete; it was very complicated. Harry was venturing down to find Miss Leonessa's classroom so he could begin work on the complex substance.

The Dungeons were cold as usual. And Miss Leonessa greeted him. Her long red hair always swayed back and forth and her blue eyes were as cold as ice. He followed her to the potions lab. "Here is where you'll find the more common ingredients. And here . . .These are your more dangerous . . .ingredients. Anyway, you know your way around, I'll be across the hall if you need me." She walked out.

Harry sorted through the many ingredients to find powdered root of Asphodel and an Infusion of Wormwood. That was his first step. Why would he need the Drought of the living death? He realized when he had the two ingredients he needed to boil them in a hippogriff's claw. He scrambled around to find one. "Hippogriff's claw, hippogriff's claw," He muttered to himself.

He walked across the hall to see Miss Leonessa. "Miss Leonessa?" He shouted. "Where are you?"

"Oh Harry!"

"Oh!" He was surprised by the sudden noise. "Oh, hello Nick!"

"Hello, haven't seen you in a while!" He told him. "Who were you looking for?"

"Miss Leonessa," Harry Replied.

"Why?" Nick asked.

"I wanted to know where I could find a Hippogriff's Claw?" Harry told him.

"Oh I can help you there!" Nearly Headless Nick replied. "We can just go in here," He flew through the wall.

"But . . ." Harry started but Nick was gone. Harry started pacing again. "Miss Leonessa?" He shouted. "Sir Nicholas?" No response was heard. "Hello?"

"Potter?!" Harry Spun around quickly at the sound of his name. "I am warning you now," It was the dreaded Snape! "If you fool around once in my potions lab, or in my cabinets, you'll polish the trophies so many times you'll wish Lockhart was back!" He paused. "It that . . .clear?"

Harry nodded.

"Good!" He stormed off to work in his office.

"Harry!" He heard Nick's voice and turned around again. "I've got it!" The ghost handed him the claw.

"Thank you," Harry said. He walked back into the potions lab.

The ingredients smelled horrible! First poured water into the claw, but when he opened the powdered root of Asphodel the room filled with a horrible stench of rotten eggs! He quickly measured out the powder and quickly plunged it into the water. He took the wormwood and boiled it in the water in the cauldron. He poured the infusion into the claw, and a mist rose up. He needed to let it boil for 2 hours.

Harry looked down the list, "What else can I make today?" He asked himself. "Panther?" He looked at the last thing on the list. Fur of Panther. If he could find panther fur he could make that. In your Cauldron: Lion's Blood, Porcuipine quills, Fur of Panther, Phoenix Feather, and Boiled Dragon Scales. He found dragon scales and first Boiled them. He measured out and poured the Lions Blood. He took exactly thirteen porcuipine Quills and dropped them in the boiling water. When it simmered down, He added the Phoenix Feather. "Where's Panther Fur?"

"Panther Fur?" Miss Leonessa walked in. "That isn't an ingrediant I'm famillar with, let me see your parchment," She scanned through the paper. "I don't know where you could find that."

"Would Sn . . .Professor Snape have some?" Harry asked.

"No, I don't think so," She replied. "You need just one single strand. Well, I'll talk to professor McGonagall about it. See you later!" She jogged out of the room.

"But . . ." _How could McGonagall help?_

* * *

He was awake late, trying to finish his summer Divination homework. Something about how the alignment of the planets on August 3rd affected the day. All he managed to write was that he had a bad day. And what was worse was he had 72 more lines to fill. That's how bored he was, he counted.

His scar began to hurt badly. The room suddenly started spinning and Harry completely blacked out . . .


End file.
